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31-Oct-2020 15:24

Stack Exchange network consists of 175 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers.Visit Stack Exchange Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. Sign up to join this community I can't stand smoking, like, at all.If they start to light up when you're there, just ask them politely not to smoke around you ("I'm sorry, but would you mind not smoking around me? If it shows itself to be an issue, then it might be worth bringing up and discussing in more depth to see if it's going to be a deal-breaker for you.But even if it turns out that they smoke more frequently than you expected, it could be that they accommodate you readily, and it never becomes a problem. Bringing it up right away might make you appear to be morally opposed or a worry-wart.There are thousands of people with whom you are fully compatible, so find nonsmokers at the get-go.This is no different from, say, finding the right religion (where again, some couples manage to have a mixed marriage, but most fail, so why not start from any easy connection?

I might be concerned that they could become a schoolmarm later and scold me about it, but since I value open communication, I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Then again, if you're concerned that they might get a little defensive about the habit, that may be something you want to know now.For example, I met someone who was "420 friendly", so to speak, and began asking them questions to determine how prominent that was in their life.When I ultimately told them I wasn't as big of a fan of it, it ended up coming off standoffish - like I had been asking all of these questions about their habits to do some kind of judgement based on my own counter opinion.Vapes emit water vapor instead of smoke, which won't irritate your nose, unless you are allergic to something in the juice. When we're together, she smokes only when we're outside and we take care of being in the right position with respect to the wind.

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I never lectured her on the health effects of smoking and she never retorted my requests with lectures on the importance of personal freedom.

However, be extra careful in not expressing any judgment of any type (health, money, you name it) and be tactful ("If you don't mind, can I ask you..." / "You can not answer if you're not comfortable with it, but..." etc). As for the type of compromise to reach for when you're together, ask them what's their suggestion: Maybe you'll find out that if you go and eat Chinese food, then the cigarette is just compulsory, but not if you just go to a park (just making these up), and you two will decide to postpone the Chinese food night for a while. Being with other smokers is a big push towards smoking, whereas being with a nonsmoker whom you care about is a good reason to just postpone a little bit that one cigarette. There are other minor details, like keeping cigarillos handy if I'm going to be around heavy cigarette smokers (I find the cigarillo smoke less bothersome, especially compared to menthols), but suffice it to say I smoke infrequently enough that for medical purposes, I'm considered effectively a non-smoker.

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