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If it works, I’ll be cruising through meet-ups on a kind of irresistible autopilot. My four o’clock, J from Lovestruck, is an attractive career woman in her forties. Arranging dates in a small geographical area is vital if you’re stacking, but timing is a minefield. I dribble out the same chat and by the fourth date, I just want to go home.But there’s a lot of catching up to do, as I discover when I sign up for a dozen sites, apps and singles nights. A couple of hours beforehand I have a pep talk with dating expert Hayley Quinn, who warns me that coffee dates often seem like job interviews. Not a single one of my marathon dates contacts me for a second meet-up. I head to a Mayfair nightclub for speed dating (originaldating.com), counting each four-minute contact as 0.25 of a date.I also add four Red Flag Words: “banter”, “hygiene”, “spiritual” and “Canadian”.Searching for a potential mate online can be intimidating no matter where you are.A Tinder girl cancels, as I’ve failed to “banter” on Whats App.I re-write my profiles and spell out that I want a girl with lovely hair and boobs as I have neither and would appreciate the novelty.Now I’m ready to give it another shot, because I’ve hit upon a theory – one that will exorcise my dating demons and turn me into a great seducer of women. If we’d met on a Friday, who knows what would have happened. I think she enjoyed our chat but it was hard to tell. I produce a biography of Tito from my bag but the coincidence fails to stimulate conversation. Apparently women like someone noticing little details in their outfit. Conversation – or the lack of it – has been playing on my mind.
Expat men can avoid this kind of culture clash in online dating by taking cues from potential dates.
Women might interpret rapid-fire responses in a negative light; to them, it may seem as though you think that the relationship is quite serious when, in fact, it isn’t.
You probably aren’t in love with her after a week of trading messages online, so don’t give her the impression that you think that.
Plenty of men just send an uninspired message, asking a potential match how they are or using a run-of-the-mill compliment.
While these might seem polite to send, it might send the wrong message to a woman, ranging anywhere from “I didn’t read your profile” to “I am messaging everyone I can and hoping someone responds.” On the other hand, you don’t necessarily want to bore her with your entire life story, which could make you seem needy.
(Related: a lunch date with the most exciting woman in food - Gizzi Erskine) I spend Sunday evening with F, a petite Spanish peasant from Lovestruck.